LIFE UPDATE- 2025

Hello, guess what? I went off the radar again hahahahaha. Okay, jokes aside, too many things happened these past two years. I already finished my third year of my degree (going for practical next semester!). Time flies so fast, man… Just the other day, my father sent me to college for my first year, and now I’m entering my final year. I’m sure he’d be proud of me for making it through.

So, like an old story, my friends come and go. I lost some, I gained some. Actually, I had a realization—in the end… all those big emotions I felt at those times don’t really matter. But they did help me grow and learn about myself. Along the way, I’ve dealt with insecurities, self-doubt, and loneliness. It feels like I’m stuck in the same cycle. At one point, when I felt like I had no escape, I pushed myself again and again. I learned so much from YouTube about mindset and all. Learning the science behind it fascinated me so much that I kept digging into those kinds of content. Life feels different now that I can control my thoughts. Yeah, I might not go into detail, but I really recommend exploring it.

Another life update—I have a (not so) new friend. They didn’t exist in my life yet in my last entry hahahaha. It’s been almost two years since we became friends. After all we’ve been through together, I truly wish for them to always be blessed in life. It feels exaggerated to say this, but at one point, it was like they hung the stars in my sky. I’ll forever be grateful for the time they were the light when my life felt so grim. They distracted me from being too hung up on my losses and depressive state, and now I can manage my grief better. I also learned new things, new perspectives, and new behaviors (for the better).

For me, new connections are scary. I’m really scared to get too close to someone, and in a way, I’m glad I gave this one a chance. I know I’ll always remember them. I feel like I need to express some kind of appreciation here because they made a huge change in my life. Don’t you think this blog is a perfect spot for that? A place where it’s forever here, like an open diary—where everyone can read but not interfere, and the memories stay.

I still have my close friends, and I still love them as much as ever. I hope the time Allah gives us to remain friends is long, and I pray for their well-being and safety always <3

Now, let’s talk about my education. How’s university life? Well, I moved to a new rental house. It’s great. But my studies kinda flopped a little, but it’s okay—apparently, it’s not the end of the world when your pointer drops hahaha. I’m very glad to know I’m loved… which is weird because it was hard to believe that for years. I’ll count my blessings from now on. I did feel like my worth was tied to how I performed in my studies because I felt like I didn’t have anything else to prove myself. But my friend said she was proud of me, and my family said it’s good enough—it’s alright. Now that the illusion of always needing to score has gone, my burden has lifted a bit, and I’ve come to the realization that… everything is actually fine? My world didn’t stop there.

Oh, about my studies—I do wish I were better at digital skills like designing and editing because our course demands so much in that aspect. I feel like my fine art skills were only useful for like two semesters, and then the rest was all digital stuff. My microteaching is just fine, but I love seeing my classmates’ teaching materials—I really think some of them are so creative and full of effort. I might take some notes on that for my upcoming practicum hahaha.

Actually, this year, I want to start loving a little more. I mean being compassionate toward others, sharing my blessings with my loved ones, and being less… selfish, I guess? I used to be so empathetic, but I realized that these past few years, I can’t feel as much anymore. Nonetheless, I still want to try loving in my own way.

More importantly, this year is when I really start trying to be kind to myself first. I made a resolve not to talk negatively to myself anymore, and so far, it’s going well. I mean, what’s the loss? None. It helps with my headaches, and my body feels better just by speaking kindly to myself. Whenever I cry, I tell myself, “Okay, I’m sad right now, but everything will be okay.” I think everyone should practice controlling their thoughts in the midst of emotional pain because it’s been working well for me so far.

I’m not the same as I was in those old entries anymore. I feel like I’ve lost some of that “touch.” I even feel like I’m reading someone else’s thoughts. But I don’t find those writings cringey. They were very well said, and sometimes I read them and can’t believe I wrote them hahahaha. There was one time when I felt really bad and randomly re-read my blog… and it kinda helped? Like, “Yo, 19-year-old me cooked.”

Overall, this is my life update after two years. I love yapping so much, but I don’t want people constantly seeing me, you know what I mean? Hahahaha. So this is the medium where I feel the most comfortable.

I can’t think of a better poem now, so here it is—might be simple and cheesy, but these words hold meaning to me.

It’s like the constellations in the sky,

That connect in the night,

I thought the stars were aligned,

When everything… felt right.